So, we've had two children for 20 days. We've been home and under one roof for 15 days. I know at least one thing I didn't know before:
Jesus Christ, there HAS to be a way of managing the trust of a 2.5 year old better than we did during Ginger's birth. I had to be gone for 4 days. When I came home, I, who always do tuck in, couldn't pick Betsy up much. Between my being gone and then coming back unable to do the usual things, she was traumatized. She spent a week waking up 4 times a night crying for me, refusing to sleep afraid I'd go away again. Reed and I took turns sleeping in her room on the floor or in her big girl bed. We sang to her endlessly and held her while she cried after we'd tried to leave the room.
After about a week of exhausting relays between a nursing child and a sleepless one, with things not improving much, it became clear we were going to have to have spines. Have I mentioned I *hate* having a spine where Betsy is concerned? I like giving her what she wants. Usually it's reasonable things. But not this time.
We spent a couple of nights refusing to take her out of her crib, crying with her when she cried, but never leaving her and singing to her once she gave up and laid down in it. We spent a couple of nights refusing to promise to sleep in her room and showing her again and again where we sleep. Finally we spent a couple of nights insisting that once she was tucked in she could not expect us to come back and sing to her more during the night and that calling us back every 5 minutes was Not Ok. (No consequence or punishment threatened or required. The voice of Parental Disapproval that showed up when she called us seemed to be enough.) She's slept pretty much through the night for the past 2 nights -- asking to get up to pee once last night doesn't count since she actually went.
Anyhow, this has actually bled over into other positive places. For months, Betsy's menu of acceptable foods has been shrinking. She was down to eating about 5 different dinner meals when I went into labor. Last night, in light of her displayed self control at bedtime, I explained that while we had let her have a hotdog for dinner, if she wanted dessert (grapes or strawberries, her pick) she was going to have to try a bite of the spinach and ricotta pie Mommy and Daddy were eating and which she had pronounced yucky on sight.
She looked at me a long look and, having made up her mind, ate a bite. Chewed. Swallowed. Then another. And proceeded to willingly down an entire serving of the stuff. FRESH SPINACH. MY KID. The only part she didn't like was the PREFAB (and in my opinion somewhat yucky if convenient) CRUST!! Mirable Visu!!
On the one hand, I'm annoyed that we didn't try to push this issue sooner, on the other hand, who knows if she was ready sooner. I suspect it from something about the measured way she decided on that bite. Regardless, now I know. She's ready to try new foods again. We won't hit her with too much too hard, only insisting she try things, but boy is this ever a relief. I've been worried about how and when we could start pushing this, disgusted as hell at the separate meals we were all eating.
Anyhow, for those of you who have one child and plan a second one, caring for the issues of the first one may well be most of the work in your first few weeks with a second child. Hope to god number two is a good eater and sleeper. You're going to need it.
Posted by karen at July 20, 2005 03:27 PM