And the boys all say "Breasts? Let us hear about these monstrous breasts!" and the girls all say "Engorge-what?". Well, it's like this, when you first give birth, there's a hormonal moment where your body is trying to get the dairy train going and, while you thought your bust line had expanded as much as it possibly could during pregnancy, damn -- it does it to you again after you deliver. And it hurts.
Oh, not the horrid I-must-die-now pain everyone says birth is (remember, my C section had only a little early labor before it) but a definite please-could-we-cut-my-breasts-off-now pain. Yes, that happens. It happens mostly after your little one has started trying to nurse (which may be painful in and of itself since you're all swollen up). Anyhow, overall I was feeling better by Tuesday. Enough so that I actually noticed my omigodOWW breasts. And then I went to buy a nursing bra. And discovered that Some People Are Tards.
I shuffled over to the lactation consultants office in the hospital and there were no new moms there. (Trust me they're easy to spot. It's the shuffle.) A middleaged woman was standing over the desk looking at something. I was not my sprightly self (shuffling remember. only shuffling) so instead of leaping enthusiastically into her line of sight and introducing myself I just cleared my throat. Yes? She looked at me as though wondering what the heck I was doing there. Umm... I need to buy a bra? And I know I need to pick up a pump.
She looked around and mumbled something and gestured to a little cubicle where she measured me and then went rooting around through the stock. Aparently they didn't have my size. She handed me a bra. It didn't fit. I, trying to engage her, chattily said hey this doesn't fit. And can you talk to me about breast pumps? I already know I want to buy not rent because of the length of time I plan to feed my sprocket, but what's with the new brand you guys are pushing I've never heard of? Mrph mumble mumble. Literature passed my way. No real verbal information. I try again: Can You Tell Me (I figured if I spoke more slowly, perhaps she'd understand) Exactly What The Difference Is Between These Two Pumps? Mrph.
Gack. I left. There had to be some other INTELLIGENT staff working that room later. But more fool me, I bought the ill fitting bra (because something was better than nothing and I needed it NOW, thanks). But where was the knowledgeable customer service? Hell where was the COMMUNICATION SKILL? Mercifully I am an aggressive, anal-retentive sort about things as important to my comfort as this was going to be, so I'd already done some homework, but what if I were an ignoramus and/or just not very aggressive. Sheesh.
I wish I could say this was the last I saw or heard of the Tard Lady. But she intruded upon my consciousness later as the imbecile who told me lactation consultants couldn't help preemie moms. AARGH. Some people are tards.
Posted by karen at September 24, 2002 12:00 AM