Where to start...why do you really need to go? Well, no matter how much you read or ask your doctor questions, no body really goes through the nitty gritty of what the actual birth event will look like unless you take "the class".In the class, you walk through everything from exactly what the hospital staff are going to want you to do or not do to what some of their short hand jargon means when they talk to each other to how to make them understand your preferences. You go through what would be truly useful to bring to the hospital with you and why. You get the skinny on how an epidural is put in, when and how inconvenient it is or isn't. You also get a hospital tour so you know what sort of place you'll actually be in. All of this is very fear reducing. You've seen this before, so it's all fine. This is the good part.
Then there's the funny part. Birthtapes. Oh god. The birth tapes. Don't get me wrong. It's all genuinely good information, but we've seen 3 different videos of 3 different birth experiences excerpted from 20-40 hours down to 10 minutes of course. They all have cheesy lighting, terrible voice overs and lets face it -- they show BIRTH. Which is fascinating and gross like a trainwreck. Someone actually talked these 3 poor couples into allowing their genetalia, personal pain and gross amounts of bodily fluids to be captured on camera live. And I'm sorry. They're not pretty actors. I suppose this is, on some level, fear reducing. Mostly it just confirms my opinion that birth is completely disgusting and new borns look like aliens. And I'm more than mildly horrified that I'm going to do THAT.
The big cliche is the breathing exercises. For the past 4 week, our instructor has had us bring pillows to class and then practice panting exercises to help control our now-nonexistant pain. Um... how shall I say this? I understand why this is supposed to help and I'm not sorry to be doing it. At the same time, I think I learned more about focus, directing pain and breathing exercises training for the AIDS Ride and I can't imagine how the less athletic of these women I'm surrounded by are actually going to manage. Not because you gotta be in great shape to give birth but because there's a frame of reference missing. Anyhow, doing the exercises is at the same time incredibly silly-feeling and probably the best anyone can do for those who have never had to think about pain management.
Anyhow, should you procreate, do yourself a favor: Go shopping for a class that doesn't push a 100% non-interventionist philosophy. You want balanced information about pain management in order to make good decisions. And take a class that includes a hospital tour of the hospital you plan on delivering in. It really will make a difference.
Posted by karen at September 18, 2002 12:00 AM