As you're all aware, opinions about maternity and childbirth are like assholes -- everyone has one. They differ from assholes only in the fact that an astonishing array of folks are quite cheerful to shove theirs directly under your nose. And I'm about as interested in most people's unsolicited opinions as I am their bungs. Sorry. I don't care how much you've sanitized it. It still stinks.
Which leads me to today's I-hope-my-annoyance-is-funny beef. I never get angry about almost anything on a philosophical level until a few days or weeks after the fact. A conversation I completely blew off at the time will stew and bother me until somehow in a blaze of righteous indignation I strike the poor hapless wellmeaning bugger dead on the spot for he-knows-not-what. I swear I'm not being passive aggressive when this happens. I genuinely don't know WHAT is bothering me. But get the fuck out of my way once I figure it out.
The place: The lunch table at work.
The time: several weeks ago.
The topic: My maternity leave.
The setup: I'd been asked what my plans were. Several minutes of me explaining that this is still being worked out, but it's very complicated, expensive and we don't have a whole lot of options.
And finally, the punch: The childless, dateless, clueless coworker pipes up "Have you seen the statistics on how much children's IQ scores suffer when the mother doesn't stay home at least 9 months? "
Again, me with the dumbfounded silence. Again me with the gentle explanation that's not really an option for me.
Close topic. Move on.
And here I am, weeks later. Angry. What the HELL gives people the right to casually and cheerfully add to the complexity of my decision making with pop psychology statistics? Why was that ok for him to do to me? Why didn't I immediately launch into Counsellor Karen mode and explain to him what a destructive shitty thing he'd just said instead of re-justifying myself to him. GAAAH!!!
This is not someone who actually matters to me, so this one is never going to get dealt with, but DAMMIT I need a system for dealing with well-meaning fools immediately at the time the gauche remark is made. And I need it bad. Being angry and even up nights weeks later is just dumb.
And counter to the happy philosophical maunderings of my last post, too.
Posted by karen at July 28, 2002 12:00 AM