Midwife: So how's everything going? Anything you need to talk about?
Me: I'm ok I think. I don't feel like I've put on a scandalous amount of fat and you haven't yelled at me for it. I'm not sick. I'm not tired at this point. I eat ok and I get enough sleep, but I've been on an awful lot of business travel so at this point, I'm just relieved that this isn't slowing me down. Is there anything else I should be doing at this point besides making it in here once a month and getting that diabetes test we talked about?
Midwife: Nope. Sounds like you're enjoying your pregnancy. You're doing fine.
Me: Silence.
Me: Interior monologue: Are you HIGH?? Enjoying??? All I said was I'm not puking and I'm too busy to do more than be relieved that having a parasite isn't a huge logistical problem. Where the FUCK does ENJOYING come into that???
Me: Interior monologue: Oh, I forgot. I'm talking to the woman who happily discusses her 6 person practice as a great way to have a lot of "Midwife energy" around her. I'm talking to one of those shiny happy birth fixated people. I'm talking to someone I've been carefully editing myself with since I started coming here because she's got no clue how anyone could consider this a ridiculous and revolting means to a desired end. I bet she thinks being a DAIRY ANIMAL is great, too. GAH. Where are some La Leche League pamphlets I can burn? Where are they?? I will take back my right to a differing opinion with a barbaric yawp to scare these idiots into removing their rosy colored glasses. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate being pregnant. I don't hate midwives. But being told (incorrectly) how I feel really burns me. I appreciate well-woman medicine, yoga and the spirituality of medicine, but I also appreciate my midwife not reading in what I emphatically did NOT say.
Me: Thanks. Ok. See ya next month.
Midwife: Bye!
Posted by karen at July 23, 2002 12:00 AM