The one where Reed decided he couldn't stand me anymore is sort of self explanatory. Of course in the dream I didn't remember in that confused way that things seem to come up in dreams that I was pregnant until after he'd already left. The baby didn't seem to be the main point of the dream. It was more a dream about profound rejection and violation of trust.
I woke up from that one, went back to sleep and then proceeded to have another one in which Reed did not feature, but I was desperately (for reasons I can't remember anymore but which were perfectly sensible at the time) trying to take both the cat and the dog back to an apartment somewhere where we could live since Reed wasn't going to help me take care of them anymore and of course the cat had no colar and no cat carrier and was squirming trying to get away the whole time and the dog was being a perfect bastard. I lost each of them multiple times, but seem to recall thinking I'd gotten them someplace reasonably safe before I woke up. Hope I didn't do any harm to Senior Grande in my sleep. He sleeps on my pillow off and on all night and I can just imagine him objecting as I --in my sleep -- insist on stuffing him under my arm. Or into a pillow case or some horrible thing. He didn't come see me this morning. Wonder what I did.
What always puzzles me about full on nightmares like these is that the retelling makes them sound so mundane and uninteresting. And then some of the most wonderful dreams I ever had sound completely sick. I once had a dream that involved it snowing blood and it was oddly gorgeous and I can remember being completely baffled on waking as to why that wasn't upsetting. Anyhow, whatever my anxieties may be (and frankly I don't consciously fear rejection from Reed or taking care of everything alone) here's to these things NOT happening in the real world. Jesus.
Posted by karen at July 22, 2002 12:00 AM