Parenting -- when everything is going just right, parenting is like meditation or art or dance. Parenting is full of grace and light and peace. When you get eight hours sleep two nights running and the little girl in question connects with you at bedtime for a happy massage, goes to sleep easily with a smile and wakes up gurgling quietly, the world seems like a perfect place. That was last night and this morning. My daughter was sunshine and joy and the world should have more baby girls in it.
Even when there's clouds and rain, part of the time the calm and clarity just blaze through it. She's freaking out, but you KNOW why, you know how long it'll probably last and what you can do about it. It may tire you out, but you've got the answers and it's solidly and deeply all right. The situation is well in hand. It's like this far more often than you'd expect.
When, however, you hit a snag, it's amazing how fast that sense of balance evaporates. It's precarious. You're tired, she's cranky. Unlike the days when you catch a problem in time to mitigate it, sometimes you don't even know what's wrong. You weren't home and god knows what the other parent, grandparent or baby sitter did. They can't seem to give you enough information to help her and all you can do is let her cry. You are the worst, most failed parent ever. This is, of course, complete crap, but it's how you feel. And woe unto you if you start blaming the party who was actually with your child. They may have done nothing out of the ordinary. Some days are like that.
Anyhow, I'm fortunate to have a community to support me and just barely enough time to feel like I give Betsy and myself what we both need. Parenting is going beautifully, thanks.
Posted by karen at March 3, 2003 12:00 AM