I can't tell you whether my experience with Betsy has been hard or not. There have been two salient moments -- both to do with nursing -- that were difficult. One when she first came home from the hospital and one when she started being a bit acid-refluxy. Both of those felt like body-blows, but they also went away within 48 hours of reaching a head. I get enough sleep. Betsy has started smiling and laughing and being awake for longer periods of time when I get home. Erg. None of this communicates quite what I'm trying to say.
People tend to be stiff-upper-lip about parenthood. Oh we're just fine. But that's not where I'm at nor who I am. I will ask for help when I need it and cry on friends when I need it. I have done both. Maybe it's a subtle form of sleep deprivation where you feel rested, but waking up every 3-4 hours makes you forget. Maybe it's hormonal and/or pheremonal and the presence of your kid makes you so happy you fog out into a sea of happy-happy-happy. Whatever it is, life is -- and has been -- in general, pretty amazing and wonderful lately. The stuff you've seen in my journal lately is legitimate, but not a proper gauge of my perceived happiness.
Anyhow, thanks for your concern, all. I am well. Better than well, generally. And I promise to ask for help when I need it. Honest.
Posted by karen at January 15, 2003 12:00 AM